Dear Customer

Dear Customer,

This Christmas season I would like to thank you for your continued patronage at our establishment. I know that things are tough this year which only makes me all the more thankful that you keep coming back. Without you our business would not be the same...

Now with that being said I would also like to say thank you for every time you come in and order chocolate mint and then look at me like I am the idiot when I ask " you mean mint chocolate chip?" " Uh yeah that's what I said" you so sweetly reply.You couldn't possibly have meant the three other mint flavors we have. I would also like to thank you for conveniently ripping off the corner of the coupon that is 4 years expired because you think I can't tell that the logo was used that long ago. Yes I am not stupid just because I work in retail.

Thank you so much for coming in five minutes before we are closed and ordering two banana splits and two large shakes and then apologizing profusely because you know what you are doing is rude and yet still you fail to leave a tip. I love nothing more than be at work late on Christmas Eve or Friday night so you can get your sugar rush. Thank you.

It fills my heart with joy and happiness to grovel and kiss your derriere because you've been wronged in some way by human error in one of my employees. I say, "I'm so sorry we made a mistake in making your cake how can I make it better?" you say, " I want free cakes for life and my money back and I want the idiot who screwed up my cake to be fired". Well of course I'll get right on it! I'm so sorry we aren't all perfect like you.

Thank you to those of you who see 18.99 on the cake box and then when you hear that the total is 20.47 you flip out and yell at us because it says right on the box that it is 18.99. Are you from out of sate? Haven't you heard that Utah has sales tax? Oh, but I'm the dumb one. It sure isn't you because "The customer is always right". "WHAT? Three ice cream cones is $15?! How can that be? I remember when an ice cream cone was only ten cents!" I bet you also remember when gas was ten cents a gallon too.... what do you want me to do about it? Of course, I forgot, you are better than everyone else so I'll just charge you half price. I'm not trying to run a business or anything.

Merry Christmas dear customer! Please come again and trample on my dignity and pride. I don't have feelings so don't worry about me. Thank you so so much. Hope to see you soon.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. Everyday-run-of-the-mill-normal-retail-manager