No rest for me even when I'm sleeping

I've found that my personality only allows me to blog in a ranting sort of sarcastic manner. I supposed that's not a surprise since I rant and rave every day of my life. I've sat at my keyboard trying to be cutesy and sweet but anyone who knows me knows that it's simply an impossibility for me to be calm. Even when I'm sleeping...

I periodically have nightmares about work! It's not enough that I have to dread being yelled at every day while I'm awake and trying to make a living. I fall asleep and live in a world where, even when I've locked the doors, the hordes of crazy and hormonal men, women, and children still find a way to get into my store! In these dreams I think that I'm all alone because it's the middle of the night (yes, I know that it's crazy for me to believe no one would try to get ice cream in the middle of the night) and for some reason I'm at work trying to get all my piles of work done.... I turn around and my store is full of self-entitled people who truly believe that they are above the store hours written on the front door. I tell them all that we are closed but they don't care! They want their ice cream! Ugh... it's never ending!

Oh and there's the dream where I'm lying in my bed in the middle of the night and I wake up and there's a man, or possibly a woman, I'm not really sure because it's simply a black human figure standing right above me about to attack me. Of course, I jump up to get away from him or her and suddenly I realize that it was all a dream and John is asking me what is wrong... This probably happens once a week. John loves how I interrupt his REM cycle.

I've pondered what these dreams could possibly mean. The first seems obvious. I am scared of being at work forever. Somehow trapped into serving ungrateful, rude, expired-coupon-using people. I can tell you that this is probably pretty close to the truth. Score 1 for my unconscious mind!

The second seems just as obvious. I'm afraid of someone breaking into my home. HAHAHAHAHA NOT! I took the liberty of looking up dream interpretations and found this..."To dream that you are being attacked by someone, signifies questions to your character and the need to defend yourself. You are feeling stressed, vulnerable and helpless. You may also be faced with difficult changes in your waking life. Dreaming of an attack provides a way for you to confront these situations that you may be avoiding in real life." Score 2 for my unconscious mind!

I really thought that I was afraid that someone was just going to do a simple B&E on my ass! You know... break down the door and steal everything I own. If only I had known it was my subconscious dealing with the everyday assault of simple "customer service"...I could have saved all that money on the alarm I bought for my house!

All of the customers I have wanted to strangle in the past present and future can sleep in peace tonight because once again I am taking one for the team... I am dreaming of being attacked so I don't snap one day and attack someone else. And this whole time I was worried I wasn't dealing with all my angst! It's amazing how the mind can compartmentalize. Thank you mind. And thanks again customers for haunting me in my sleep.

Til next time...

Thanks for listening

Dear Customer

Dear Customer,

This Christmas season I would like to thank you for your continued patronage at our establishment. I know that things are tough this year which only makes me all the more thankful that you keep coming back. Without you our business would not be the same...

Now with that being said I would also like to say thank you for every time you come in and order chocolate mint and then look at me like I am the idiot when I ask " you mean mint chocolate chip?" " Uh yeah that's what I said" you so sweetly reply.You couldn't possibly have meant the three other mint flavors we have. I would also like to thank you for conveniently ripping off the corner of the coupon that is 4 years expired because you think I can't tell that the logo was used that long ago. Yes I am not stupid just because I work in retail.

Thank you so much for coming in five minutes before we are closed and ordering two banana splits and two large shakes and then apologizing profusely because you know what you are doing is rude and yet still you fail to leave a tip. I love nothing more than be at work late on Christmas Eve or Friday night so you can get your sugar rush. Thank you.

It fills my heart with joy and happiness to grovel and kiss your derriere because you've been wronged in some way by human error in one of my employees. I say, "I'm so sorry we made a mistake in making your cake how can I make it better?" you say, " I want free cakes for life and my money back and I want the idiot who screwed up my cake to be fired". Well of course I'll get right on it! I'm so sorry we aren't all perfect like you.

Thank you to those of you who see 18.99 on the cake box and then when you hear that the total is 20.47 you flip out and yell at us because it says right on the box that it is 18.99. Are you from out of sate? Haven't you heard that Utah has sales tax? Oh, but I'm the dumb one. It sure isn't you because "The customer is always right". "WHAT? Three ice cream cones is $15?! How can that be? I remember when an ice cream cone was only ten cents!" I bet you also remember when gas was ten cents a gallon too.... what do you want me to do about it? Of course, I forgot, you are better than everyone else so I'll just charge you half price. I'm not trying to run a business or anything.

Merry Christmas dear customer! Please come again and trample on my dignity and pride. I don't have feelings so don't worry about me. Thank you so so much. Hope to see you soon.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. Everyday-run-of-the-mill-normal-retail-manager

Tater Tots

Okay so there has been some controversy as to whether or not tater tots are truly known as a "junk food." Now I would like to say before you read this that honestly it really probably doesn't matter whether or not tater tots are "junk food" but it's kind of a friendly debate for me :) It's true that tater tots are not healthy for you but if you classify anything that isn't healthy as a "junk food" then there are a lot more foods that should be called "junk foods". Such as mashed potatoes. Here are the nutritional facts for both mashed potatoes and tater tots.

1 cup
Mashed Potato (from Fresh)
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 1 cup

Amount Per Serving
Calories from Fat 132
Calories 256

% Daily Values*
Total Fat 14.62g 22%
Saturated Fat 3.349g 17%
Polyunsaturated Fat 3.957g
Monounsaturated Fat 6.552g
Cholesterol 6mg 2%
Sodium 823mg 34%
Potassium 504mg
Total Carbohydrate 27.76g 9%
Dietary Fiber 2.1g 8%
Sugars 4.7g
Protein 4.43g

Vitamin A 0% Vitamin C 15%
Calcium 10% Iron 2%

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 1/2 cup
Amount Per Serving
Calories
207
Calories from Fat
108
% Daily Value*
Total Fat
12.0g
18%
Sodium
281mg
12%
Total Carbohydrates
22.0g
7%
Protein
2.0g

As you can see there is more than twice the amount of salt in mashed potatoes than tater tots... but I don't hear anyone calling mashed potatoes "junk food". The fat percentage is higher too. Another fun fact, tater tots aren't always cooked in grease and oil. They can be baked. I would also like to point out that our society has created an obvious distinction between "junk food" and "fast food" and it would seem that tater tots are more of a fast or convenient food than a "junk food".

If you ask any woman or girl to name 25 "junk foods" I can pretty much promise that tater tots would only be on the list to stretch it out. Things like brownies, ice cream, cake, pie, chocolate, soda, popcorn, candies, chips and dips....sweets and common party food would be on that list above tater tots.

In the end I will openly admit that tater tots are not a healthy food, but as far as "junk food" is concerned I can't say without a doubt that they are one. I'm sorry but I can never be convinced. I'm not crazy I'm just way too competitive for Scattergories. I will keep playing however because it's just way too much fun arguing with my friends. You can blame that on my confrontational manor. I hope we can still be friends lol :)